Posts Tagged ‘nostalgia’

While packing away some of my things in preparation for the upcoming fall, I ran across some things that I had not looked at in a while. Old letters, pictures, etc. Usually, these sorts of things bring out the sentimental side of people. Everybody loves to reminisce and think about all the fun times that were had. Everybody but me. I’m not usually one to put a lot of stock in the things past and would almost always rather be thinking about what is and what will be rather than what was. Those things just aren’t “me” anymore (though they make up parts of the current “me”). I suppose they should be valued as markers of progress, and I do try to think of them as such. But other times, old memories have a way of bogging us down from the person we’re becoming, and in those cases, they can be a painful hindrance rather than help. Nostalgia is the temperamental ghost that drifts in and out of your life.

Needless to say, I’ve been having a strange couple of days. They have been days in which the low is so low that it has cast me into despair, and ones in which the high has never seemed higher and my soul stretched into the unknowns of infinity. The contrast is stark, poignant, leaving me utterly at a loss of what to do. I just don’t know how to feel at times… But in the midst of it, I was given an epiphany for which I am extremely grateful. And here I will share a small corner of that epiphany: The God who loves me is the one who forces me to be the person I need to be for my ultimate good even when I am ready to turn away from living up to my ethical code.

This truth has been painfully wrought, forged with fire and hammered down by steel. In my rebellion, I had struggled against him as he dragged me to where I need to be. It wasn’t fun. But at the end of it all, I can only say that I am grateful. I am grateful that he is what I cannot be on my own. I am grateful that he will do what I do not have strength to do. The why still eludes me. I do not know what his has in store, but what I do know is that he is creating me to be who I ought to be for whatever that purposes he has in mind. How can one fail to be optimistic in light of being in relationship with a God who is relentless in fulfilling his purposes? Hmmm… I feel like this is déjà vu from a past entry… but maybe it just means that this lesson is still powerful no matter how many times I experience it.

I am as Israel refined by God for his glory… it would be good to remember that our God is an all-consuming fire…

Isaiah 48:9-11
For my name’s sake I defer my anger,
for the sake of my praise I restrain it for you,
that I may not cut you off.
Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver;
I have tried you in the furnace of affliction.
For my own sake, for my own sake, I do it,
for how should my name be profaned?
My glory I will not give to another.

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