last-minute hurdles

I’m so sorry I haven’t posted as frequently as I’d like.  Things have been busy around here.  I’ve been busy packing, which is taking a lot longer than I had originally anticipated.  First, I was worried that I would not have enough room to put my things into the suitcases.  I found that I was able to pack them in pretty well, but another problem arose: the weight restriction.  After shifting, weighing, reshifting, and debating what things I would leave behind, I had decided that I would send myself the books I wanted with me through USPS Media Mail.  That is, I had decided that until my mother came home.  She worried about the price of sending a package of the size and weight that I had.  After a long and irritating debate over price and convenience, we decided that we would take another suitcase (I am allowed to take 2 on my flight without charge, and her baggage check-in would be $15) and go to Andover Newton from the Logan Airport in Boston by cab.   Tomorrow, I have another bag to pack.

I had a minor freakout earlier about the MBTA (Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority), also known as the “T.”  I realized that the deadline for the discounted semester Link Pass had already passed me unawares.  By a long shot, I might add.  It was due August 5th.  Not wanting to miss out on the 11% discount, I emailed the Housing Director at Andover Newton to see if I could get it still.  Turns out, all the stress was for nothing.  ANTS was not able to get enough people who were interested in it to be able to get the discounted passes for this fall semester.  haha.  Well, I guess at least I can say is that I’m grateful for friends (or in this case, a particular friend) who are able to calm me down when I’m stressed.

I have a busy day tomorrow.  Meeting a college friend for lunch, setting up a CD account at a bank, having dinner with an old friend, and then hanging out with the friend who’s coming back from the east-coast late evening tomorrow.  And finding time to pack somewhere in between.  Oh goodness.

Oh, yes, I was also my father’s birthday today.     He and I went to Wal-mart.  Then to Bargain Books.  I got 2 DVDs on sale: Munich and A History of Violence.  I was happy about that.

Life is good even if it is stressful.  And God is good whether or not life is stressful. 

the almost nearly perfect marriage

Rick and Bubba’s Guide to the Almost Nearly Perfect Marriage by Rick Burgess and Bill “Bubba” Bussey

As someone who is not married or even considering marriage, I picked this book up just for a few laughs. The title and cover speaks for itself: it is meant to be a humorous “guide” to marriage. The book is broken down into short chapters. The authors go through different life situations that spouses would potentially face in their marriage while keeping in mind that no marriage is perfect. There some are things in the book that are exaggerated, and the differences between men and women are perhaps overstated. They make both sexes seem a bit two-dimensional, which was a bit irritating at times. Perhaps the merit of the book comes in the fact that they make marriage seem ordinary, even tedious at times. As “special” of a union as marriage may be, it needs hard work to keep it healthy — as anything else that is important in life. Keeping a sense of humor helps once marriage loses the charm of the “honeymoon” stage and things become routine. Overall, I would say that the book wasn’t hysterical, but it was good for a few chuckles.

scambling here and there

My father’s birthday is around the corner. YAY!!! I love him. We’re going to be having a cookout for him, and hopefully, a few people will be able to make it. For me, this means that I will be helping my mother prepare food this Sunday. It also means that I have had to do some house cleaning. Unfortunately, this inevitably results in the need to sort through my things and start the packing process. It’s amazing how many things you begin to accumulate after 4 years of being away from home. And trying to put your life into 2 suitcases and a carry-on is more of a challenge than I expected. When you consider that I need a comforter, sheets, and pillow, my winter coat, a laundry hamper, hangers… it just goes on and on. But, in about a week, I’ll be in Boston. Crazy.

Sorry for not having posted much. In truth, not too much excitement has been going on except for the removal of my wisdom teeth. But that’s not fun excitement. As good as it is to be home, I am anxious to be elsewhere. I find that I have become increasingly unmotivated by not having anything that I need to do. I think my highlights of being home — believe it or not — has been church. They have both Wednesday night and Sunday morning services, and it has been a type of refuge for me. It’s given me a source of refreshment that would otherwise be missing from my life. And I’ve gotten to meet a couple of people and that’s never bad as well.

I’m just thankful that no matter what situation we are in and no matter how we feel, God still finds ways to speak to us.

let grace abound

Sometimes, Scripture just speaks much louder than anything I have to say. Sometimes, it is good to consider the concept of “grace,” and think of it beyond merely unmerited favor, mercy, or forgiveness. It is all of that, but so much more. Grace speaks of power, it speaks of transformation. It is not about us “being better people” through effort. It is the Spirit of God, the Spirit of Christ, coming to live in us and through us. He lives, he moves, he acts through us when we let him.

“But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead” - Philippians 3:7-11

As Christians, we have the Holy Spirit living inside us. But we do not always live by that Spirit. To be ruled by him requires persistent humility in recognizing that we are not God… but he is. And he is more than enough.

wanting to want him

I get my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow morning. I am not looking forward to it much, but I would like it done sooner rather than later. Oh sigh.

I feel a bit out of sorts lately. I’m not quite sure why. It’s strange, a feeling of a slowness tinged with loneliness. It makes me a bit anxious… or restless. For what, I am not sure. It’s a little disconcerting at times, and the truth is that I want to want God more. I want to desire him greatly at all times. The reality is that I often don’t even when I wish to. Even knowing that nothing else will satisfy, I do still pursue those other things. But… the fact that I feel some sort of desire for a passion for him it is something. Maybe it counts for a whole lot more than I give it credit for. At least I have some sense of direction, and I know that direction is true and reliable.

How does something seem so near and far at the same time? It doesn’t make much sense. But I hope… I wait upon him and upon his Spirit.

“A woman from Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.” (For his disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.) The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” ( For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.) Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” The woman said to him, “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.” Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water.”
- John 4:7-15

“After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”
- John 6:66-69

life continues onward

I am back home again. Currently, I’m in the process of sifting through my things, putting some stuff into bags for Goodwill. 3 bags so far and more to go. Gosh, I think I come from a family of packrats. We have so many trinkets and stuff we never use that’s cluttering up the house. My room still looks like chaos since I have not been able to put things away (the closet has been taken over by my mother’s things). I guess that’s what happens when you go off to college for four years.

On a new and exciting note, I was able to register for classes today. They include:

:: M.A. Colloquium
:: Spirituality, Seminary and You: Spiritual Formation
:: Introduction to Scripture I
:: Introduction to the History of Christianity I

Additionally, I plan to register to a Harvard Divinity School course called Religious Dimensions in Human Experience. I’m excited and nervous and wondering how I will like the community.

On a new but not-so-exciting note, I will be getting my wisdom teeth taken out soon. I am not thrilled about it, but it’s just one of those things that will have to happen. It’s one of the reasons I came home early. I guess it means that I’ll look like a chipmunk for a few days after I get it taken out. On the bright side… maybe it’s a good excuse to eat excessive amounts of ice cream??

I feel like I should say something new and innovative. But I have nothing. All I have is the thought that occupied me while cleaning the house: My God will never leave me nor forsake me. This is true no matter who else comes in or goes out of my life. This is true no matter what life throws at me. This is true no matter how often or not I fail and succeed. Knowing that is like a breath of relief. It has a way of realigning things. As important as those other things are in who I am, my relationship with him will always be more important. It puts who I am in him above all other things, and this is strangely comforting and terrifying at the same time.

“No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you.” – Joshua 1:5

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.” – 2 Corinthians 4:7-10

“Let brotherly love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you also are in the body. Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ So we can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?’” - Hebrews 13:1-6

dry spells of life

I’ll be brief because it’s late.

As you probably know, both my meditation and reading lately have been about the presence of God…. and, often, the lack thereof. I believe that the topic of the elusiveness of God is dealt with badly among the Christians in my circle. In all the years that I’ve been a Christian (which admittedly hasn’t been a very, very long time), the “dry spells” of the Christian life have always been seen as a negative thing. While it may be true that these times in one’s life can hardly be described as pleasant, the associations that come with it are often misplaced. What are the common approaches?

1) Many times, those who are going through this period are seen as having done something wrong. They are somehow less spiritual, have sinned, or have “lost” their way (A most serious accusation if you believe that backslidding is something to watch out for. Perhaps this requires discernment since the way you ought to approach a backslidden believer would be different than your approach to a steadfast believer who does not sense God’s presence).

2) It is a season to be endured — a natural yet disdained part of the Christian walk. One that is believed to inevitably come but dreaded. Often advised to “protect” oneself against it, to be prevented or avoided as much as possible, hoping to survive it in order to come to the next season of refreshment which will also inevitably come to the steadfast.

3) These dry spells become a season to fight through. It is Satan’s attack, one that we must do everything in our power to change. Change our spiritual practices, pray more, frantically do something so that God may be felt again (I’m not denying that spiritual warfare is a reality and that Satan does attack you where you are vulnerable. At the same time, we should not take it to mean that ALL those “low” times of our lives are a result of the demonic).

Really, why does it have to be this way? While these approaches may have some merit in their own way, would it not be good to see these times as part of the ambiguous relationship between God on man? God comes and he goes. We do not control him, but we continue to call. The silence is the breath before a new sentence. It is the long-awaited pause before an exclamation mark. The absence of God is manifold with profundities and is perhaps the most powerful experience God gives us because it allows for faith to be tested. The recognition of God’s absence is actually a confession of faith for it requires us to remember that God was once present in our lives. In that acknowledgment, we crave for his return. We know him greater through the time when he is hidden and taken away from us as one parched knows water through thirst in a way that was not appreciated when he had it in abundance (Terrien, The Elusive Presence, 311).

Is this not a spiritual experience? We would do a grievous ill to turn something that can be powerful and make it to something that is detestable and feared. Jesus’ cry to the Father on the cross, “My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me?” (Mt. 27:46) resounds with mystery, pain, and bewilderment. It is strikingly profound when one considers that the union with God that Jesus maintained throughout his life was now disrupted, wrenched from him by the Father’s will. But, reader, to stop there would be a crime. The Jesus who died on the cross apart from his Heavenly Father would also rise to a new union with God and would be ascend to be at his right hand. Who’s to say that it’s not worth it?

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer,
and by night, but I find no rest.
Yet you are holy,
enthroned on the praises of Israel.
In you our fathers trusted;
they trusted, and you delivered them.
To you they cried and were rescued;
in you they trusted and were not put to shame….
You are he who took me from the womb;
you made me trust you at my mother’s breasts.
On you was I cast from my birth,
and from my mother’s womb you have been my God….
I will tell of your name to my brothers;
in the midst of the congregation I will praise you:
You who fear the LORD, praise him!
All you offspring of Jacob, glorify him,
and stand in awe of him, all you offspring of Israel!
For he has not despised or abhorred
the affliction of the afflicted,
and he has not hidden his face from him,
but has heard, when he cried to him.”
- Psalm 22:1-5, 9-10, 22-24

And now, I have stayed up and have written far more than I intended. Goodnight.

repentance and restoration

I cannot believe that in a week, I will be moving out of Upland and going back home. It’s crazy to think about how quickly this summer has gone in some respects. I feel like so much has happened… this whole year in general. I’m not sure how to make sense of it all. Maybe it won’t all make sense to me for yet a while, but hopefully, one day I will get some clarity.

Anyway, the state of mind that I’m in currently probably have several different contributing factors. And honestly, I think it’s partly that I just need to stop… and pray… and listen. I don’t know about the way it is with others, but sometimes I’m great at neglecting the things that I know I should be doing. Sometimes, it is from sheer thoughtlessness. Other times, I simply lack the motivation or the will to do that which I know I should do. I wish I could say it all came easily to me, that I’m just always a spiritual person. But that’s not true, and in these times, I am greatly indebted to the grace that God offers to me lavishly. He seeks to restore instead of finding fault. His reproach is not without the chance for rehabilitation. My repentance may be long delayed, but it is still accepted.

I think of the Greek word μετάνοια (metanoia) — to turn around, to change one’s mind. That is, to perceive and agree with God and with what he’s said. There is something strange and unsettling in realizing that one has fallen short. People just don’t like to admit their weaknesses, and I am the same way. Such realizations can lead to a paroxysm of guilt. It can be so discouraging that it leaves us incapacitated to do anything about it. In its worst, it can lead to self-hatred that is counterproductive to spiritual growth. But it would be wrong to say that God desires that our admission of guilt is as to make us feel inadequate. That would be cruel, as a bully might hold his physical prowess to psychologically threaten a smaller peer. A better illustration is that of a loving friend who, after being maligned by another, still willingly sits down to confront the person about the wrongs done against him. In the latter instance, there is an understanding of the possibility to improve the relationship once the damage has been handled. Where there is love — and God has much of that to give — there is no fear of condemnation.

God’s grace abounds. The recognition of estrangement itself should be seen as a gift from God, for it is only in the recognition that we are able to turn back to him. It is a restoration. It is being welcomed back into his presence. It is the prodigal son returning home to his father. It is just reason to give thanks and recall his generosity to us. After all, does not thankfulness help us to abide in his presence?

“How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
Whose sin is covered!
How blessed is the man to whom the LORD does not impute iniquity,
And in whose spirit there is no deceit!
When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away
Through my groaning all day long.
For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer. Selah.
I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I did not hide;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD”;
And You forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah.
Therefore, let everyone who is godly pray to You in a time when You may be found;
Surely in a flood of great waters they will not reach him.
You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble;
You surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah.”
- Psalm 32:1-7

“But what God foretold by the mouth of all the prophets, that his Christ would suffer, he thus fulfilled. Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord, and that he may send the Christ appointed for you, Jesus, whom heaven must receive until the time for restoring all the things about which God spoke by the mouth of his holy prophets long ago…” – Acts 3:18-21

tomorrow and today

We always want to have sense of knowing what is before us. There are those with whom the future prospects are of great concern, while there are others who “live in the moment.” But both extremities have to acknowledge that the future is a great and vast unknown, one in which there may be great anticipation or may be a cause for great fear. It would be nice at times to know what the future holds. Then at least we would feel some sort of control. And how desperately we seek to box in our future, to plot out the little details so that we would have even greater control. While there certainly is merit in planning and preparation (I’m not advocating that we do not do those things and do them well), we can’t ever really be prepared enough for the surprises that life brings us. To seize at control over that which is uncontrollable is an absurdity. So what is the proper balance?

I find my thoughts oscillating between present and future. There is something great about the anticipation of the new. The feeling is giddy, somewhat similar to the feeling one gets in starting a new relationship. Not only that, but in times of great change, there is a sense of renewal. I enter into this newness as in a ritual, allowing myself to be reborn into a new circumstance and new prospects. A new hope perhaps? It is in times like these that I appreciate it when Jesus says, “Behold, I am making all things new” (Rev. 21:5). He can and does breathe new life into our circumstances… always so that he may make things better, perfecting it. At least, that is my belief.

But because there are so many variables that are unknown about the future, it is also stressful. The “what if’s” and the “maybes” linger around and occupy our attention. We become nervous, fretful, frustrated — among other things — and perhaps there is something to be said about God wanting us to live in the present. Is not the faithfulness at the present more important than obsessing over how we will respond to situations that have yet to occur? Would we not be going astray if in getting caught up with thoughts of the future we neglect to do our duties to God at the present? The Christian walk may not be always exciting. In fact, there will be times when it is downright tedious. Maybe even horrible. But perhaps those times are most revealing about who we really are.

Did our Lord not impart upon us wisdom that speaks to how we are to live presently? He was very practical about his approach to our spirituality in our daily lives. This is something I appreciate in his teachings. As is recorded in Luke 12:22-34, Jesus said:

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you.

Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

I do look forward to my tomorrow. But I will not overlook the blessings or the struggles of today. How can I not appreciate my Maker who is molding me with his very hands? I think I am very much in love with him.

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

This tiny gift book is a daily devotional that is intended to invite the reader to meditate on God’s presence.  It is written in the first person perspective as God addressing the reader directly and serves as an encouragement to consider what God has spoken through scripture.  The book would be most suitable for young adults and adults who are looking for a brief daily devotional message.

My first reaction upon looking through the book was one of disappointment.  The devotions were smaller than I expected, about a paragraph or two for each day.  After taking time to read through the devotions, I found that I enjoyed the perspective of God speaking to me.  The author integrates scripture verses seamlessly into the message.  The Bible passages are referenced at the bottom of each page and are well worth looking up.  This book is valuable if solely for the fact that it encourages direct interaction with the Biblical text as part of the believer’s lifestyle.  The concept of the presence of God is also a worthy concept for consideration. Overall, It is one of the better gift books I have read, and I would give it four stars out of five.